This week has brought more lessons than ever. It’s been a BIG one. The old paradigm would say; “what a shit week, my kids are driving me crazy, they’ve been challenging me all week, my husband and I haven’t been seeing eye to eye, and I found it heavy and hard! “Let’s grab some wine, chocolates, watch a sad movie on a Friday night, and ball my eyes out”, (ok, just for the record I did all of those things).
However, that old paradigm doesn’t teach us anything. We blindly keep on going through life, not seeing that our partner, children and random strangers are triggering us, only to heal us.
This work is deep, and the more we go through this and understand it, even family members and some friends can become distant. This work triggers people. We don’t want to believe in this; we are happy thinking that our life is this black and white. We go to work, raise our children and look forward to the weekend glass of wine, Netflix binge and gossip magazines, but what I’m learning is this only keeps us small. This ‘numbing’ keeps us separate from ourselves and the vastness of our being.
I’ve been fascinated by Eckart Tolle’s work on the pain body. He shared in his book ‘A New Earth’ that at nine years old, his pain body was so big, he was going to attempt suicide. His parents also had big pain bodies and their constant arguing, and fighting was causing his pain body to be so big that he wanted to end his life. In Bali last week, I learned to become a breathwork facilitator, and this healing modality has blown my mind! Using only the breath, we can access parts of our subconscious and higher consciousness that we otherwise aren’t able to access. It was here that I learned the lesson that to sit with the uncomfortableness of our emotions is the way to hear the teachings of the soul.
For those of you who’ve been following me on social media this week, I’ve been sharing about our 7-year-old, Daisy, and how’s she’s been struggling with some anxiety and anger. I shared how I’ve discovered that our children are our biggest teachers. They mirror out to the world the things that we often run from in ourselves. My next book which I am currently 10,000 words into is based on the lessons that I have learned raising a spirited child. I always felt that Seren was my teacher, so it was an eye-opener this week to learn that Daisy also came with lessons.
One morning after the children had gone to school, and another challenging morning with Daisy, I felt my rage! It’s close to my’ moon time’ so I always find this the most difficult to stay calm and present. I felt my frustration and anger bubble to the surface. I felt feelings of lack and victimhood about the challenges of the school mornings, and I felt the comparison to some of the mothers on social media who seem to ‘ace’ life with their kids.
I remembered my teachings in Bali, and for the first time, I sat with the uncomfortableness of my emotions. Have you ever stopped and sat quietly with your anger? Most of us have never done that. We are programmed to believe that anger is wrong, and there is so much guilt and shame around anger (hey I feel it too), but what if this thunder and fury had something to teach us? What if this powerful emotion had insights and lessons?
I sat crossed legged on the floor and asked me anger, “what do you have to show me”? Within minutes of slow breathing, I was shown some childhood memories that I had forgotten entirely. In that instance, I started to cry. I witnessed that as a child, I had used anger as a way to stop my parents arguing. It had become a learned behaviour and one that I was now continuing in adult life. My childhood wasn’t the best, but it was also far from the worst; however the one thing that was consistent in my childhood was anger, fighting and the only coping mechanisms I witnessed were addictions to cigarettes, alcohol or work. Emotional intelligence didn’t happen in our house; everything was worked out through anger.
Sitting with the uncomfortableness of my anger this week showed me why I was reacting with anger and how this has never worked. I could not control my environment through rage then, and I certainly can’t achieve that now. I need to accept all the parts of me that have felt frightened and scared, make peace with them and learn to sit with them in their fury to un-learn how to be this way as an adult. Our children are our greatest teachers, they have lessons to teach us in our lifetime. We have to witness their behaviour has a mirror which is reflecting to us, all that needs healing within ourselves. Here are some tips that can help you;
- When you feel your anger flare, especially around your partner or children, witness it and then remove yourself away from this situation (if you can)
- Sit down, close your eyes and start to breathe
- Breath in through your nose and as you do allow your belly to expand with air, breath out through your mouth and contract your stomach
- Allow your shoulders to relax and breathe here for just a few deep breaths with this connected, conscious breath.
- Allow whatever needs to come up and honour these feelings
- What lesson as they are trying to teach you? What message do they have? It is your inner wounded child reacting in your adult body?
- Trust in this process and let your anger show you what resides within – it can also be helpful to journal this process
- You don’t need to spend alot of time doing this, but let the anger teach you what is held within
We have never been taught to sit in the uncomfortableness of anger or fear. We try to run, blame, shout, belittle others instead of seeing that these emotions have lessons. I believe that within its rath, anger has so much to teach us, but we have to go within. I am only just starting this path. Each time I feel that anger or deep emotion, I will make a promise to myself that if I can, I will go within and feel into these lessons.
Good luck – let me know how you get on.
Love, light & healing